Dandioy's Thoughts | Homesick

Homesick. I think it would be safe for me to say that I am totally not a homesick person. Not even a single bit. When the others are crying over the fact that they are far away from home and not be able to see their family members often, I am totally enjoying my quiet time facebook-ing and tumblr-ing and blogspot-ing. It has alway been my dream to fly far away from home, the cage that had been imprisoning me for the past 18 years. And in June 28th 2013, I finally set my foot out of a place called home, a place that consists of my lovely family members, a place that I spent my entire life. Sibu is a small town and since young I knew for the fact that this place will not be my final destination. The big dream in me keeps driving me to do something beyond my reach, exceed my limits and go for the best. 

For me, being homesick is a sign of weakness, a symptom that shows one could not stand challenges and pressures. I want to be big, I wish to be huge, I crave for success. I want to be the most sparkling star in the night sky, I want to be the moon and the sun. Every single day, I just tell myself to be independent and what doesn't kill me makes me stronger. But, IB is tough, especially when I feel that there is no one there to support me. And I start to miss how my sister listening to my complains, how my brother accepting my sarcasm, how my mother nagging about how untidy my bedroom is, how my father giving me life advises and how my little sister calling me an ugly fat pig. Yes, I do miss them all. Staying alone in the hustling bustling city of Kuala Lumpur, I do feel scared a lot of times, especially I am walking alone back to my apartment from my college in the middle of the night, when I am standing in the middle of the road, trying to get myself a taxi, when I am shopping with my friends, feeling not a part in their groups. 

Here I am, sitting on my bed in Sibu, typing this emo post, I just want to say, now, in this moment, I have always missed home. I just feel contended watching some old Hong Kong drama with my siblings and I love how prepared we are to switch off the TV when mom's going to come back because she will be so mad at us watching TV instead of studying. I will always give an extra chicken wing to my little sister whenever she just want to eat more. I will continue calling my little brother a big fat pig until he is willing to lose weight. I will still acting like a child in front of my mom and let her nag how dependent and childish I am. And I realise, I have always been homesick-ing. It just that I don't want anyone to know about this. But now, I want to tell everyone, yes, I am weak, I am lazy, I am dependent and I am not tidy at all. Home, is the place that will accept all my weakness no matter what, even my weirdness. Next time, if someone asks me whether I am homesick or not, I will definitely say yes. Homesick, is not a weakness. Home, will always be my source of happiness, my source of strength and my source of faith. With home, there is always hope. 

I love you my home, I really do.

Love ya,