2014-04-14

Toasties Post | Toastmaster Project Speech 5 Imperfections + IB life updated (IOP)


Imperfections

Maya Angelou says, “There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you” Today, will be the day my story unfolds in front of you guys. I believe everyone thinks that we are imperfect, some people are totally fine with their imperfections he but as for me, a perfectionist, I want to be the best in everything. I always have high expectations from myself and other people. Maybe because of that, I am always disappointed and depressed because every single day, I will experience disappointment from myself, and also others. Call me overly sensitive, I can get hurt by the slightest sarcastic jokes and I couldn’t help but feel sad. I don’t have a large circle of friends because I cherish close and deep relationships rather than the “hi, bye” relationships. 

I am that kind of person who think too much, but talk too little. I observe a lot and I don’t tell people about it even though I notice it. When I was young I always thought that I was some kind of outcast, because I couldn’t fit in the society. I am such a complex homo sapien that sometimes I don’t even understand myself. I can be social and out-going for a day or two, but you will find me hiding away from people for the next whole week. I have a limited word span everyday, let’s say 1000 words, if I exceed the word limit by another 1000 words, I will just shut my mouth up for the next day. Growing up, I always think that I am imperfect, because I am not as verbal and eloquent as my friends, I spend too much time speaking to myself instead of talking to people. I always think that I am not perfect because I am not as happy-go-lucky as others. I like people too much or not at all; I care something too much or not at all; I rather live a short meaningful life than a long monotonous boring life;  I am THAT extreme. During my adolescence days, I was so stuck in all the thoughts that had been blooming inside my mind and I was so lost. I believe in love too much and I always looking for the ultimate relationship which doesn’t even exist in the world. My introvertion and stubbornness make me feel imperfect.

However, growing up, being the one who keep chasing perfections, I always ponder on the definition of perfection. What makes me a perfectionist? Am I really a perfectionist? Does perfection means flawlessness? If so, what is the definition of flawlessness? To what extent that something has achieved such degree of accuracy or excellence to be called as “perfect”? How do you know that definition of perfection is perfect? And how do you come up with the idea of flawlessness when you yourself are not sure whether your judgement and reasoning is perfect? Being a human, we all have different types of personalities, what type of personality is “perfect” personality? Is extroverted personality perfect? Is introverted personality perfect? Is being artistic a perfect personality trait? Is being logistic a perfect personality trait? 

Since we have no idea what is perfection, how do we know we are imperfect? Maybe we are all perfect in our own way. Or maybe we are all perfectly imperfect? ORRRR, maybe we are all imperfectly perfect? We think that we know everything, but in fact we don’t, just like perfections and imperfections. If so, why don’t we just scratch out the idea of judging whether something is perfect or imperfect and just let it be? Love yourself, be yourself.

Imperfections. Perfections. Thank you! 

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Just think that it is a good idea to post my toastmaster speech here. (Because I haven't been posting here for a week because of IOP presentation and I want to make people feel like I put in effort to update my blog)

After my speech honestly I thought I was doing okay because I did't bring my notes when I was delivering my speech and I thought I using eye-contacts to engage with my audience. But no, my evaluator said that I TOTALLY SCREWED UP MY ENTIRE SPEECH. I was quite shocked but I kept my emotions in my heart and smiled and nodded to him because I didn't want people to judge me as a person who didn't accept constructive criticisms and suggestions. Even though I was totally smiling all the way for the rest of the meeting time, I was deeply hurt. 

I knew I should be open-minded. I knew I should feel okay. But I was not okay. I just go emotionless for the whole day. There was an experienced distinguish toastmaster from speakcom who told me that it is okay to be myself. Being an introvert it was such a huge disadvantage for me to get evaluated by an extrovert, especially on the topic of "Body Language", as he will expect a lot of body gestures and dramatic movements from me. I keep convincing myself that I am okay, but now the thing is, I get so nervous for my coming IOP presentation. I totally lost my confidence and courage to speak in front of people. (Ironic right, join Toastmaster to make myself feel confident in public speaking and instead I ended up being intimidated) 

I slept at 3 yesterday because I was worrying about my IOP. Luckily today my IOP presentation was okay. (at least that is how I think and I don't want to know how Ms. Vale think, it will just make me feel nervous) However, I think I will take a rest for my Toastmaster Project Speech. I still need some time to recover from my scars. Well, as I mentioned before, I'm imperfect, it's okay for you to criticise me so hard, you can shoot me with your words, you can trod me in the very dirt, but like DUST, I'LL RISE. --- Maya Angelou

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IB Individual Oral Presentation (IOP)

Btw, speaking of IOP, I am thinking of writing a post about IOP. BUT I DON'T HAVE THE FREAKING TIME. However I will just write some of my feelings here just in case I forgot. Inspiration comes and goes so it's better to keep a record. 

After doing some research on Maya Angelou, I realise that I truly respect her as an independent, strong black woman. She is truly inspiring and phenomenal. 

An autobiography written by Maya Angelou. (Maybe I should write a post about a book review of this but again, I DON'T HAVE THE FREAKING TIME.) Also, I feel like posting up my IOP presentation but I will only be doing that after I finished my IB, graduated and get my results haha. Don't wanna anyone plagiarise my work. 

I Know Why The Caged Bird Sings is one of our IB English Literature syllabus. I thought it was boring before but now I love it to death. (okay maybe not that extreme) 

This week has been tough. Too much things going on. Too little time to handle. 


So inspiring. One of my favourite quotes from Still I Rise.

It was a hectic IB life in this week. So glad that I survived my IOP, the upcoming ones will be Psychology IA, CAS and Maths IA. BLESS THIS STRESS.

P/s: upcoming post: Things about International Baccalaureate

notsohappy,
Dandioy

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