No turning back

So the story began from a dream I dreamt one night. (I couldn't really remember the exact time but I think it happened last month). I dreamt that I was crying over the fact that I had chosen to study International Baccalaureate (IB) in Taylor's College Sri Hartamas instead of A-levels in German-Malaysian Institute (GMI). FYI, I actually succeed in the JPA interview and get a scholarship to study A-levels in GMI, which means, after I finished my pre-U in GMI (provided that I get a certain level of mark of course and pass my German language), I can go to pursue my undergraduate study for engineering course in German for free. Many people actually think that I am crazy for turning down JPA's offer (They are like, HELLO? IT'S A FREAKING JPA FULL SCHOLARSHIP!). So, being as crazy as I am, I opted for one of the most difficult pre-U course, IB in TCSH. Maybe the hectic life in IB just freaked me out and crushed me so hard, sometimes I wonder, what will my life be like if I accept the JPA scholarship? Will my life be a lot more easier? Will I be more relaxed and less stressed? 

Say that IF I go for GMI, then the subjects I will be studying would be Biology, Chemistry, Physics, Maths, Malaysian Studies (not sure about this though) and German. Now, what I am studying for Higher level (HL) are Biology, Chemistry and Maths; Standard level (SL), Psychology, English literature and French ab intio, and not to forget Theory of Knowledge (ToK) and Malaysian Studies (LAN)! Not only that, in IB we have Internal Assessments (IAs) for every subjects we take, Extended Essay (EE) and Creativity, Action and Service (CAS)! Imagine the amount of workload we have compare to theirs. So I got to get acquainted with some GMI students and I asked their timetable. They still have time to have nap during afternoon and play sports at the evening. 

But, I rethinked again, my life might be easier during pre-U in GMI, but will I love to study engineering? To be honest, I never have engineering course in my consideration list ever in my entire life. Or, I would like to suffer these two years in IB and let this tedious IB course mould me into an individual who is an inquirer, knowledgeable, thinker, communicator, principled, open-minded, caring, risk-taker, balanced and reflective. (IB learner profile yo!) I believe that God had lead me to choose this path, and there is no way for me to turn back again, all that I can do now is do my best in IB and get a 45 in my IBO test! I know I can do it! 

By the way, IB is definitely a good course. Since I joined IB, I procrastinated less and used most of my time on doing things that worth my time. English literature might be hard and tough for me, but I will overcome this weakness and learn how to write a decent commentary and get a 7 in my end semester test. *finger-crossing* A lot of seniors told us that Maths HL is a bitch, I couldn't agree more on their statement. Maths HL is definitely hard and to be honest our teacher don't really know how to teach. So I guess I need to do pre-study and independence study and don't put too much hope that the teacher would spoon feed me like how our secondary teacher did to us. French ab intio is a disaster too. Our teacher uses 45 minutes on ranting, grumbling and complaining the students' attitudes then left 15 minutes teaching. Sigh, IB, it's all about self-learning and self-saving. 

My target from now onwards: 45 in my IBO test. A perfect 7 from every single subject. I know it's gonna be hard. I know it's gonna be tough. Be who says this is impossible? The word "impossible" itself says I M POSSIBLE. I believe I will. If I study hard and just do my best and leave the rest to God. Our God is good, all the time and I believe He will answer His daughter's prayer. :)